I'm on my way to college, away from home and the restrictions of my parents. No more rules, no more curfews, and lots of partying! Freshman year is going to be the best!
I'm so excited about my first laptop! It was my parents' graduation present to me. And the craziest thing happened last night. This really cute guy on my floor came over to copy my history notes. As I was printing them from my computer, he sat at the desk and told me he wanted to show me something. He down-loaded some file sharing software that everyone has been using in the dorms and then downloaded this video he said was shot in our dorms years before. I was totally excited to see a movie shot right here on campus!
But, what started off to be Sorority Initiations turned into a full on lesbian porn! I couldn't believe it! That with my laptop I could have direct and free access to porn videos. I don't know what it was, maybe a combination of being turned on and super nervous around the cute boy, but what I did know was that I wanted him out of the chair and my room so I could venture into the world of Internet porn on my own ["It is an anxiety concerning the possible lack of control and autonomy of that body when confronted with technology" (Patterson 104)].
It's been a week now and I've downloaded over 50 videos. Some are short and poor quality. Some are longer well-made home videos. Some are funny and strange with fetishes I didn't even know existed. Friday night the cute boy invited me to go out with him and his friends. They got pretty drunk and when we got back to his dorm, we started making out. But it was sloppy and he had bad breath and all I could think about was getting back to my laptop to watch more porn. Saturday night, I stayed in ["The 'body' of the computer clearly replaces the body of another human," (105)].
Ugh! My computer has been acting so slow lately. It even just shut off during a download and I had to start all over again! Yesterday I was waiting for a video to finish before I had class. 40 minutes had passed and it still hadn't finished. I had to leave to class without getting to see it ["from the perspective of the average viewer, a primary experience of looking for, and eventually at, cyberporn is precisely one of frustration and waiting," (109)].
So while I'm waiting for videos to download, I've been looking through actual porn websites, trying to find free access ones that have video previews and photo galleries. It's just so annoying to have to join certain sites and make up stupid names for myself. They should just have open access on all the sites so you can see things without logging in or waiting ["The promise of cyberporn is one of immediate gratification, yet the technological systems of the Internet, as well as the interfaces of cyberporn sites, necessitate delay: the delay of logging on, the delay of finding a site... the delay of waiting for the selected image, sequence of images, or video segment to appear," (109)]. But it's weird, even though I hate waiting, the obstacles make the final viewing even more exciting and rewarding as if I have cheated the system ["One might see this delay as intensifying the pleasure of the eventual visibility of the object by causing the object to acquire an illusory inaccessibility. But it makes more sense to see the satisfaction as taking place in the deferral satisfaction itself," (109)].
The Internet is making me crazy! Every time I think I have found the most sexy best ever video, I get a new one that blows my mind! It's like an addiction, a game to find the perfect video to get off ["To imagine the goal, then, is to project into a moment of perfect satisfaction- and the obtaining of a perfect image, one completely adequate to the subject's desire. But in comparison to this imagined perfect image, every image will always remain inadequate, and so the 'search' continues," (109)].
It just keeps getting better, and I will just keep on searching.....
Zabet Patterson, "Going On-Line: Consuming Pornography in the Digital Era," Porn Studies, Linda Williams, ed., Durham: Duke, 2004, 104-123.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment